I Thank God I Miss You!

September 2, 2010. For many people this is just a random date, but for me, it was the worst day of my life. When I woke up that morning the sun was bright and the birds were singing their wonderful songs! It felt like any other day in September, but I wanted the day to fly by! You see that night was the first college football game of the season. Ohio State was playing Marshall at Ohio Stadium, or as it is more commonly known, The Horseshoe. I was hoping for a great game, and that is just what I got! The Buckeyes won the game in a dominating fashion; winning 45 to 7. I was enjoying the game a lot when I got a call from my youth pastor. I had just recently moved to Cincinnati to attend Cincinnati Christian University. (CCU) My youth pastor, Joe, is a very big Ohio State fan. In fact, he was the reason I jumped on their bandwagon in the first place. When he called me that night I just thought he wanted to talk about the game. I answered the phone but instead of talking about the game he told me my mother was in the hospital.

Before I go on I feel I must give you a brief back-story about my mother. My mother was sick from the day she was born; she had a lot of heart problems that made life hard for her. The doctors told her she should probably refrain from having kids because the stress it would put on her heart may kill her. The doctor’s must have not known my mother very well. You see she was that kid of person that got what she wanted, no matter what! I am very glad she was because if she was not I may not even be here today! Growing up with a mother with heart problems was very hard on my brothers and I, but it was even harder on her. Most parents love going outside and play basketball with their kid or taking them for walks around the neighborhood; my mother could do none of these things. Looking back now I could see how this killed her inside. She so desperately wanted to play with us. The first time I can remember her going to the hospital, I was scared. I did not where the big car with red and white lights was taking her; it made a very loud noise as it drove speeding away. When she got home I remember her telling me she was fine, she did this a lot. By time I was in college my mother would go to the hospital almost twice a month.

When Joe told me she was in the hospital it was not a big deal for me because it was normal for me. I told myself she would be fine because for years she told me she was. I went back to my game and soon forgot about my mother. I started to focus on the game. About twenty minutes after I had gotten off the phone with Joe he called me back. I was assuming it was to tell me she was going to be fine; it was not. I was with a few friends watching the game when Joe told me to find a place where we could talk. I left the lobby of the guy’s dorm and walked into a secluded hallway. Joe said “Adam you’re mother did not make it.” At first I did not understand; it took me a few seconds to understand what he meant. My mother had died on that cold September night.

It has been six months since my mother’s passing and there have been a lot of ups and downs for me. My mother was my driving force in life; she made me work harder than I wanted too. I had finals last semester and I was having a hard time sitting down and studying. My friends here were going to play a game called, “Signs.” I was going to go play with them when all of a sudden I felt really sad. I walked back to my 8′x10′ dorm room faster than a pig without food for days would run to a pile of slop. When I made it to my room I started to cry and starting saying, “I am sorry!” I felt like my mother was telling me, “you need to study for your test! You can play with your friend later.” I took a seat on my twin size bed and began to study for me finals.

I was home one weekend and I was very bored. I got on facebook and started to look at my mother’s profile; while looking through old wall post I found something she said about me the day I left for Cincinnati. My mother had told my roommates mother she went into my room and sat in my bed and started to cry; she said she was so proud of me. At that point I went in to her room, which has been untouched since she passed away. I sat in he bed and started to think of the time I would go into her room at night. I would walk into her room and watch T.V. with her; we would start to talk about our days. It was the only time I felt like the two of us could connect. My mother and I did not really have a lot in common; other than we both like to say up really late every night. All of our most in impactful talks came late at night will watching old episode of, “Roseanne.” I really wish I had more than 18 years to spend with my mother. I wish I could have told her I love you more; in fact I wish I could have shown it more as well. I sat in her bed that night and I was so sad and broken hearted but a thought came to my mind that night. It may hurt a lot now that she is gone but I am so glad I can still remember all the great times we had. In fact I thank God I miss her everyday.